I
smirked at the question last night as I sat at the dining room table
in our teacher common room. I had spent the last 20 minutes speaking
to one of our new teachers about her transition and about what we
have both learned from our time here – me with my two+ years and
her with her 2+ weeks.
I
laughed as I let an emphasized, “Nooo,” leave my lips.
“I have never felt naturally gifted with children,” I told
her.
Growing
up I wasn't around children much at all. Whenever I was, I remember
watching female peers of mine in near-envy as they seemed to know
exactly what to do around young kids – how to hold the sleeping
baby, how to play “I'm gonna get you!” with the toddler, how to
calm the child crying for his mother. As I watched these other girls
move naturally in play and care for children, I felt like there was a
set of gears in the machine of my body that wasn't oiled to move as
theirs did. Things other girls did so easily just felt awkward and
unfamiliar to me. Youth-aged kids were my niche, not babies and
small children.
Then
I came to live at Good Shepherd Children's Home, where I am
surrounded by children from ages 1 to 18 on a daily basis. As I stepped into the baby and toddler houses, I began to use those
previously un-oiled gears. Over time they began to glide more easily
– almost naturally! Fast-forward two and a half years and I love
spending time with the babies, chasing them and hugging them and
tickling their little bellies as they laugh with the uninhibited glee
that only a child can possess.
"Fast-forward two and a half years and I love spending time with the babies, chasing them and hugging them and tickling their little bellies as they laugh with the uninhibited glee that only a child can possess."
Did I have much experience with children before I came here? No, I didn't. But I have learned. I have experienced more and grown in wisdom that I didn't have before. And it is neat to look back and see how far God has brought me.
As
the new teacher and I continued to talk about things we have learned,
two other GSCH “Veterans” walked into the common room and joined
our conversation – Ben (our pastor who has been here for two years)
and Keri (a teacher who came in Summer 2016). As they sat down, the
new teacher began to share about a struggle she is having with a
9-year-old girl (we will call her “Nina.”) The teacher thought
that she and Nina were building a great relationship, but then Nina
got mad for seemingly no reason and has stopped talking to her.
“I
was working with a student in my classroom today,” said the
teacher, “and Nina stuck her head through the doorway. She said
'Hi' to the student, then looked at me and walked off without
speaking to me.”
As
Ben, Keri, and I listened to her story, we
looked at each other and laughed at the familiar narrative.
“Welcome
to ministry at GSCH!” I told her, remembering the moment that I
first experienced the silent treatment from a child I was close to.
“Every one of us has stories like this.”
"I have experienced more and grown in wisdom that I didn't have before. And it is neat to look back and see how far God has brought me."
Ben
nodded. “These kids are used to people coming into their lives,
saying 'I love you,' and leaving. They will be mad at
you and expect you to know the reason. Then they will stop talking
to you and it'll tear you up inside.”
“They'll
come back to you eventually,” I assured her, “but then it will
happen all over again. You just have to keep telling them, 'I love
you, and I'm here when you are ready to talk to me.'”
“There
are times when you will discipline a child for something and they
will get mad for days,” said Ben. “And you'll think, 'This is it
… They are never going to talk to me again.' But then they finally come around.”
“And
they want you to discipline them,” Keri added. “They know it
means you love them and care about what they do.”
After
we all finished sharing our own stories, I don't know if the new
teacher felt relieved that her experience is a normal one or anxious
about the fact that this is only the beginning of drama in her
relationships with these children … maybe she felt both! We went
on to tell her that each child at the Home, for reasons unknown to
us, clings to a different person. We all have those children who
cling to us. We pour out love onto them and teach them, and think
that things are going wonderfully, only to get spat in the face. But
those are the relationships that foster the most growth.
I
had a conversation with Yolanda earlier this week as we sat making
jewelry in Casita 7; she is one of these children for me. She loves
me and I love her, but I cannot tell you how many times she has
stopped talking to me, yelled at me, or intentionally tried to
manipulate my feelings to make me feel bad. (She has a unique knack
for that). But because of persistent love, I have witnessed some
wonderful changes in her life. She used to have a darkness in her
heart that I felt anytime I was near her. A cloud of
hurt, insecurity, and blindness to others' feelings hung over her wherever she went. But now, she is more considerate of others' feelings, more
careful in the words that she uses, and more peaceful in her air. The change I have witnessed in her is one of the most beautiful things I have seen this side of heaven.
"because of persistent love, I have witnessed some
wonderful changes in her life."
“Do
you see changes in me from last year to this year?” she asked as I
strung beads into a necklace. I wanted to scream YES!! Don't
you see them? I reminded her of things she used to do that emotionally hurt
herself and others, and she laughed as she remembered the time she
told me we couldn't be friends anymore. Then I told her that I am so
proud of the changes I see in her, and I am waiting for the day when
she tells me that she wants to follow Jesus with her life.
These
relationships are hard. There are days when every teacher wants to
curl up in their bed and cry, but the difficult relationships are the ones
that we learn from the most. We learn to use those un-oiled parts of
our machine with greater ease. We join the club of GSCH
missionaries who receive the silent treatment on a regular basis,
and we continue to love.
We
learn from experience, we grow in wisdom, and we watch God work
through our relationships in mighty and beautiful ways.
